Stay Cool

There is a piece about me in today’s SF Chronicle. To check it out, go to
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/07/09/DDP811L35D.DTL
It's a plug for Friday's gig which you can read about in the blog below.

I’m sitting on my deck, which has been beautifully re-imagined by Kris and Wendy. The wind chimes are chatting to one another and a moppy headed dude just rode by on his bike and waved up to me and said “stay cool” in a most endearing and comical way. It’s starting to cool off and slow down and for the first time in I don’t know how long I’m alone and not sleepy. It feels great. I’m happy.

I love being alone. I love writing this blog, staring out at the hills, listening to music – you name it. I never feel lonely when I’m alone but I often feel lonely at a party. Go figure.

Monday was clinic day. Dr. M has been appointed ( by my heart) the health professional with whom I cry. We talked about breathing machines, more time in wheelchairs and her concern that I’m alone too much. That’s where the crying started. I am not ready to give up my independence, my chance at a love life ( I can’t walk good but I’m real cute!) and my alone time with my son. I know it’s coming but not yet, please, not yet. Dr. M is a tiny slip of a thing with absolutely enormous eyes and blond hair. I found it cute at the last visit when she told me I needed to gain weight because I’ve got about 30 pounds on her. She’s so tiny that if I sat on her she’d look like a cartoon pancake doctor. She’s very thorough and informative and compassionate and I just love how totally different all the various personalities at the clinic are.

I also saw Michelle the pt, who is this tall dark sexy woman who could be the super villain in a spy movie who seduces the otherwise invulnerable hero with her impossibly long legs and sleepy bedroom eyes. (Don’t worry, Michelle, I’m straight) . She’s very laid back but also incredibly thorough, with a good sense of humor and incredibly supportive.

We bumped into Dr. K in the hallway, who never fails to make me laugh. I absolutely adore his lack of decorum, which humanizes this whole crappy deal immensely. I imagine he’s quite brilliant because he doesn’t have a doctor-type demeanor (unless your baseline is Scrubs) and I can’t visualize him kissing ass or eating shit ( thank god – what a thing to visualize!)

Got measured for the permanent wheelchair (the permobile) which will be chili-pepper red with red hubcaps. Alas, no spinning rims. My triumph of the day was making Mike the wheelchair expert (and drummer) blush. That’s my second Forbes Norris blushing victim! I’ve still got it!

I’m usually wiped out for a day or two after the clinic. I expect it now. A routine-ness has set in around this slow losing of everything. It’s hard to describe how unbearable and how banal these milestones are. Life is a chugging train that’s hard to derail just because you happen to be having a bad week. There are still birthdays, gigs, weddings, calls to answer, errands to complete, dishes to wash and so on. I find it comforting and sometimes so frustrating that I want to scream then I realize I am screaming at the top of my lungs but no sound is coming out and when I look in the mirror, I’m actually smiling.