Sunday, July 27, 2008


Always, always, always joy and grief collide. Saturday I received the nasty blog comment discussed in my last entry, officiated the wedding of one of the most important people in my life and discovered that Randy Pausch had died.

Randy Pausch for those of you who don’t know, was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University who became well-known thanks to Oprah (the closest thing to royalty we have in this country) who showed an annotated version of his last lecture. I watched it before I knew how sick I was but knew something was seriously wrong and I was so moved by his humor and his deep love for his family. Randy died of pancreatic cancer and is survived by a wife and three children. I recommend watching the whole lecture on youtube , which is much richer than the Oprah excerpts.

I think I owe Randy Pausch a debt of gratitude because he showed me a way to face certain death with humor, good nature and acceptance. He showed me that the work you do in the world is still important – maybe just as important or even more important than the private drama you face. Finally, he got me thinking immediately of the notion of a “safety net” for my son’s impending free fall. He expressed it all so eloquently and so humorously and he struck me as a prince among men – more proof that the universe is arbitrary. Einstein said god didn’t play dice with the universe but we can see by his hair and sartorial choices he didn’t know everything.

The anonymous person from the last blog has apologized for what he said and I am choosing to publish that comment as a gesture of good faith though I can’t for the life of me find the humor in his post and I am know to have an okay sense of humor. Still, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Now for the joy. My heart and eyes are full of Lisa today. Lisa looking breathtaking in her gold and plum sari standing next to Alan in his wine colored shirt and orchid lei. Both of them drunk with love. The food was delicious, the dancing exuberant, the music great and the company a delightful mélange of both their worlds. I loved looking out and seeing improv friends, writing friends, work friends , yoga friends, DMCers, and actors from the last show she and I did together all in one place. I loved that Alan had a catholic nun do the blessing of the Ketubah and thought it was adorable that she called it a “Tekubah.” I loved watching them dance, watching them be lifted onto chairs, watching Mac “Rick Roll” Evan by singing the Rick Astely song for him. I loved dancing with Dennis who held me up so securely so I could attempt to boogie a bit and I deeply appreciated Sofia letting me lean on her, buckling my sandals, putting on my necklaces then coming over to help me undress.

Finally, I loved being in the presence of two people who believe in ever lasting love. They gave a gift to all of us.


Anonymous said...

It was a lovely wedding. I thought Lisa looked so pretty in her sari, and the ceremony was so heart felt and unique.

Carla, you did a beautiful job.

I'm sorry I didn't take a longer goodbye. :)

I wish I could come over and help you get dressed/undressed/showered/made-up, etc...

I have such an urge to serve. :)

I dreamed I was your servant last night; I helped you stage your your writing class, I cleaned your apartment, I ran errands, I dialed your cell-phone, I took out the many scattered and fruit-fly clouded bags of trash. I was so happy.

I love you,

Anonymous said...

I found this sight quite by chance and want you to know that I have been so touched. I lost my brother to ALS 15 years ago at the age of 36. He survived 9 years, because in part of his attitude and will to live. I hear that same feeling in your writings. You seem to be an amazing woman. He too had a wonderful supporting cast in family and friends, yours seem to remarkable as well and I find myself chuckling at some of the outings you all have had. He always had a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face (at least in public) and I am certain just from your writings you do too. Hang in there and never give up! I am sending a big ole hug from TX.

Anonymous said...

i am always in awe of you, carla. in awe in awe in awe.