tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post942922502014417432..comments2023-04-26T09:02:11.428-07:00Comments on Carlamuses: Maclen Muses: Happy Birthday, MomCarla Zilbersmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18170926133449647900noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-52798203069447402422009-12-26T12:39:46.186-08:002009-12-26T12:39:46.186-08:00I remember you lovingly holding Eliana when she wa...I remember you lovingly holding Eliana when she was just born, and giving us two CDs of music, and counseling me to hold on in every way in those early years of motherhood -- and the inspiration of your strength and honesty and humor and presence -- the way I first saw you, flame-haired, big trousers, from behind and, not having spoken with you yet, sensed your larger-than-life presence; the way I could tell (at Seders, or open-air theater events at College of Marin) you reflected your students and friends with such loving candor, everyone felt seen; the beauty of your singing, from a cover of Blackbird on the CD you gave us to that last performance (at Sylvia's?) in Berkeley, when you sang Death, you're my other lover; the way you counseled me about others' dying.<br /><br />The way you made your heart and home so open to us.<br /><br />I think you must give so many this feeling: I felt we were only beginning a friendship, that there were volumes we could have explored together (given the rare combination of humor, loving warmth, and truth-telling). <br /><br />And please let me know if I can help your work find publication.<br /><br />x<br />EYour Eternal Neighbor!noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-15875091352386617982009-12-24T15:16:03.190-08:002009-12-24T15:16:03.190-08:00My current fondest memory (I chuckle over this on...My current fondest memory (I chuckle over this one daily) is how Carla cracked me up while watching the monster in "Young Frankenstein" take it's first assisted steps. Carla, "So that's what we look like when we water walk!" -which fortunately is something no one else will ever see thanks to the editor of "Leave Them Laughing"!<br />--Maclen, you're awesome! ...big hug and lots of love, Linda.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-65702712818554443292009-12-23T09:39:47.388-08:002009-12-23T09:39:47.388-08:00I arrived at the front door with the sign that war...I arrived at the front door with the sign that warned all visitors to make sure that they weren't sick if they planned to come in. It wasn't like the gruesome warning symbol of a head on a pike, but you knew something bad was happening inside. For me, there was a familiarity about this that forced thousands of memories to the surface. I was entering a house where ALS had moved in. I knew this house well, since I had lived in one too. Yet the dark spectre of what ALS is and means was quickly banished by the light, humor, positive energy, love, and beauty that is Carla. It was like a Hollywood celebrity sighting! There she was, just as I had seen her in the trailer of Leave Them Laughing. Quickly, at least to me, we connected on a many levels. How can you just meet someone and feel such love and admiration? Who the heck knows, but it happened. We sat outside in her garden on a beautiful afternoon and shared our thoughts, laughter, tears, and singleminded desire to fight this horrific disease. I wanted to stay, to help, to make things better. I also knew I couldn't. These powerful thoughts and feelings surge to the surface whenever ALS tries to take another beautiful human being away from me and us. Now, I remember just being with Carla and feeling that our connection, albeit a long-distance one, would not be broken by time or distance. We are forever linked by something horrible, yet it is the beauty of who she is, her positive effect on so many, the sparkle in her eyes, and the love that she gives that triumphs. Thank you Carla for giving me an opportunity to be a small part of your life. Thank you for giving us Mac, whose story is only just unfolding. Thank you for all you do to raise awareness and money to cure ALS. Happy Birthday to you Carla! And F ALS!<br />Your friend forever,<br />WarrenWarren, Co-founder, MDA's Wings Over Wall Street®https://www.blogger.com/profile/16111618849724649525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-12132312332517590532009-12-23T06:19:48.232-08:002009-12-23T06:19:48.232-08:00On my way to Tahoe yesterday I listened to your CD...On my way to Tahoe yesterday I listened to your CD Uncovered. When it got to I'll Be Seeing You I was weeping, trying to avoid losing all sense of driving through deadly Donner Pass and getting creamed by tractor trailers, not able to pull over and realizing fully in that moment what an AMAZING gift you have bestowed on all of us with your life. I can only hope we'll all be seeing you forever and ever and ever. "I'll find you in the morning sun, my son....." It will blow anyone who hears it far and away...JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-57188030894764963592009-12-22T20:35:42.666-08:002009-12-22T20:35:42.666-08:00Carla, this may seem inappropriate to post here, b...Carla, this may seem inappropriate to post here, but I wonder if you or your caregivers have heard of Fleet liquid glycerin suppositories? They are in my opinion much better than regular ones -- less messy and easier to use, and very effective. The liquid is contained in a tiny little plastic bulb with a lubricated tip that is inserted and squeezed. You can find them in most drugstores or on Drugstore.com. They might have saved you the "lesbian experience" you wrote of recently. (You can delete this from the comment section if you'd like!)<br /> On another note, I don't have many memories because I've only met you briefly a couple of times, but I have to say your writings and your performances have impressed and affected me deeply. I remember when I bumped into you at an event last year and you introduced me to your brother with such warmth and generosity. I was touched to be included in that way for a moment in your world, especially since you hardly knew me. Thank you for sharing your life in this blog, and for giving so much in the ways that you have. <br />~with love,<br />SashaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-45618043696886379832009-12-21T12:02:51.480-08:002009-12-21T12:02:51.480-08:00A little late on commenting on this blog.
Maclen...A little late on commenting on this blog. <br /><br />Maclen--you're a lucky son, and Carla, you're a very lucky mom, but its less luck than the fact that you two are so big in each other's lives, helping each other, collaborating on projects-- for a pair that loves crass jokes--you two are probably the cutest mother-son team in all existence. There should be a disney movie or something. <br /><br />I remember doing the satire at COM before the arnold election. I played Gary Coleman--and I didn't prepare--and was really really awful. I figured that I could just use variations of "Whatchu talking about Arnold?" or "Huffington?" and that that would work. Sadly, people had heard that joke many times before. <br /><br />I wish I remembered more anecdotes---it feels like in AWOL we would live so much in so little time, creating such insanity, and failure, and temporary brilliance-- that its so hard to pick out something. <br /><br />I remember how good your last show was, and the show before, and the one before that.<br /><br />I remember our little shoot with you, and how you, with ALS were doing a much better job acting than I was at holding a pop tart box held by a string. (?) Then the boys got nude and into bed.(!!!???) <br /><br />I remember War and Peacemeal had some brilliant moments-- moments that I'll always remember. <br /><br />loveHugonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-15756209127942631502009-12-20T13:42:29.122-08:002009-12-20T13:42:29.122-08:00I remember about 5 years ago returning to COM to d...I remember about 5 years ago returning to COM to do a theatre improv class with Carla. I hadn't seen her in a few years (I'd done a year or two's theatre classes and performances with her back around the turn of the millenium - I remember Maclen as a six-year-old patiently waiting through rehearsals of Summer of the Black Sun) and I slipped quietly into the room with all the other new students. When Carla spotted me in the crowd she gave out a little yelp and announced that she was going to do a little dance, which she proceeded to do, right there in front of the class. It made me feel like a million dollars....Clive Bridgesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-31922706841530099302009-12-19T11:13:39.866-08:002009-12-19T11:13:39.866-08:00Maclen - you are nothing short of AMAZING. what a ...Maclen - you are nothing short of AMAZING. what a wonderful tribute to your dear mom. thank you for being the man that you are and having the utmost respect and love for dear Carla - it is clear that you share a very special bond. take care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-83376709417695067722009-12-18T15:39:17.113-08:002009-12-18T15:39:17.113-08:00Just went on line and bought all of your CD's ...Just went on line and bought all of your CD's that I didn't already have.<br /> Your latest is AMAZING.<br /><br />I especially love the No Stirring Song.<br /><br />This whole CD is priceless.<br /><br />Susan P.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-26108812271409320942009-12-18T05:30:18.393-08:002009-12-18T05:30:18.393-08:00Happy Birthday Carla- from a museling inspired by ...Happy Birthday Carla- from a museling inspired by your strength, bravery and incredible writing talent. <br /><br />Your words make this harrowing slam dance a poetic exploration.<br /><br />And the love expressed in writings from all those around you is sublime and no doubt has healing powers too(Mac,Jeannine,allison... thank you)<br />-Amber in LAamberesquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03065723269374222151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-21809906452157951602009-12-17T13:22:40.072-08:002009-12-17T13:22:40.072-08:00Wow, Thank you for sharing your gift to Carla. A b...Wow, Thank you for sharing your gift to Carla. A beautiful piece of profound magnitude.Teresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00771019385428347330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-64540912052550911542009-12-16T19:16:14.361-08:002009-12-16T19:16:14.361-08:00Carla and Maclen, Alison directed me to your blog....Carla and Maclen, Alison directed me to your blog. I had the honor and delight of watching you perform to a kinda small audience at La Fonda Theater in LA. Alison was staying with me at the time, I think. The show was fabulous and I realized that Alison had not been exaggerating when she had raved about your talent. I saw the promo for your documentary, directed to it again, by Alison, and made a small contribution. Wish I could have afforded more.<br /><br />What a beautifully written and expressed contribution by Maclen. What a special, special relationship you two have. I work with teenagers daily, and sometimes I see close relationships between mothers and sons that are not perhaps the healthiest. Reading this amazing tribute and account of your time togeter, I can see that you two have a unique and magical and perfect relationship, and that it is something to treasure. I am so touched to read this. It is an honor to peek into your lives.<br /><br />I wish you both a peaceful experience in what is to come. I send you my warmest wishes.Vickyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14190888051321451729noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-5398457616742952352009-12-16T10:02:01.407-08:002009-12-16T10:02:01.407-08:00I remember so many occasions with Carla when it sh...I remember so many occasions with Carla when it should have been impossible to have found the humor in the situation. But it wasn't impossible for Carla. A recent example being the suppository misplacement she mentioned in a previous blog. I was chatting with Carla when her caregiver lost her way, Carla's eyes got big, and without missing a beat, she instructed, "If it feels like the Grand Canyon, it's not my asshole!"<br /><br />I also remember countless occasions when Carla and I discussed your well-being Mac. It is THE most important thing to her. So to read you so beautifully describe the smile that washed over your face like hot cocoa when you realized that "everything was going to be fucking terrible, but it was also going to be all right" made me cry.<br />Because you being all right is what matters most to your mom (and to the rest of us who love you so dearly).<br /><br />-KathyUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02931536927405253479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-6236699051795898572009-12-16T08:16:48.239-08:002009-12-16T08:16:48.239-08:00Is there a dry eye in the house?
Happy birthday C...Is there a dry eye in the house?<br /><br />Happy birthday Carla.<br /><br />I will always remember trying to help you make pasties for your wedding and you practicing your strip tease.<br /><br />I've been in awe ever since.<br />xo SusanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-74905184933295097782009-12-15T23:47:28.834-08:002009-12-15T23:47:28.834-08:00Mac -- You continue to delight and amaze Carla and...Mac -- You continue to delight and amaze Carla and give the rest of us hope for a better future. What a perfect birthday gift for Carla this is (following an equally exquisite tribute Carla gave to her dad on his). All who follow this blog love Carla and think of you as family, too. You are Carla’s gift to the world and you can bet we’ll be keeping an eye on you! Love to you and to Carla and thank you for adding so much meaning, perspective and color to my life and to so many others. JeannineUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05764025133252258488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-46009344205575048402009-12-15T19:38:10.705-08:002009-12-15T19:38:10.705-08:00Through my tears sweet girl I say "you done g...Through my tears sweet girl I say "you done good" what a remarkable young man you have raised. Bless you both.<br /><br />Love, PatAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-75593499686228942662009-12-15T18:50:47.371-08:002009-12-15T18:50:47.371-08:00Mac,
I read your gorgeous letter early this mornin...Mac,<br />I read your gorgeous letter early this morning and it's been with me all day long. It's just about the most beautiful letter I could imagine from a son to a mother. I'm smiling, crying, smiling. Thank for this gift to all of us.<br />Love,<br />StephanieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-14101086204997390212009-12-15T18:45:48.021-08:002009-12-15T18:45:48.021-08:00I remember being in AWOL when i was just getting t...I remember being in AWOL when i was just getting to know Carla and thinking she was so cool and fun and a total babe. She seemed like the perfect woman, totally on top of her shit, confidant, smart, funny ... everything a girl could want in a role model. I wished so much that my dad wasn't such an incompetent dud with females so he could woo her and make her be my step-mom.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-88682954906888693932009-12-15T18:42:57.880-08:002009-12-15T18:42:57.880-08:00Maclen -- It's been said over and over again, ...Maclen -- It's been said over and over again, and it's true, you're an amazing guy. You have a heart at least as big as your intellect.<br /><br />A couple of things I remember:<br /><br />Doing dishes in the kitchen on Wiltshire St. while you, Carla, sat at the table and described for me, in detail my young imagination couldn't even comprehend, the mysteries of first base, second base, third base, and home plate.<br /><br />The best duet ever:<br /><br />"Who invented music? <br />We'd like to shake his hand.<br />Cause music cast a spell on us<br />That we can't understand.<br /><br />Must be some musician<br />Designed a magic plan.<br />He changed his wand to a baton<br />And that's how it all began."<br /><br />Years later you would ask me to do another duet with you for a recital you gave in Vancouver. You thought it would be funny to do "Baby, It's Cold Outside." I was too focused on getting the words and the tune right, so I couldn't help you inject any of the required irony into the song. I think it must have just seemed weird and somewhat incestuous to the audience.<br /><br />Again on Wiltshire -- I borrowed your bicycle and tried to fill up the tires, but I put too much air in the rear tire and it exploded. I dragged your bike all the way home, crying. I thought you would be mad and yell at me. But you were more concerned about me than the bike. You were very loving and comforting.<br /><br />When Allison and I were married, you gave an amazing speech. But before that you made sure I got lunch, you helped me rehearse "My One and Only Love" to sing later to Allison, while we drove around doing last minute errands for the wedding. And when the evening was over and Allison and I went back to our room, you had already been there to fill the room with candles and rose petals. Best best man, ever!<br /><br />And best sister, ever, by far. I love you, Carla. Happy Birthday.<br /><br />JasonJason E. Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416096977784317434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-3064141315747271312009-12-15T17:06:28.299-08:002009-12-15T17:06:28.299-08:00I don't know you personally - Carla or Mac - b...I don't know you personally - Carla or Mac - but have been a follower of this blog for the last couple of years and both of you share a special place in my heart (generally reserved for those I have known forever). This post has inspired me to dig deep through the layers of memory to take note of those moments I have had with the ones dearest to me. To make a record and share with them so that they will always know how much they mean to me. Thank you for the inspiration. And for the reminder that every moment shared with someone you love is a joy, no matter how painful, simply because it is a moment shared.<br /><br />--lisa oAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-27431660737254298782009-12-15T16:15:29.017-08:002009-12-15T16:15:29.017-08:00i remember with clarity the day i met you - recent...i remember with clarity the day i met you - recently - after all this time reading your blog. it was after the end of the Shawn Colvin concert at Yoshi's in SF. all i seemed to be able to say to you were things enmeshed with the word "fucking." and you laughed and smiled, and all your "mates" - standing behind your wheelchair - did the same. it was a total privelege for me, unexpectedly, to lay eyes on you, finally, in person that day. it is a day i will always remember and never forget. thanks for all that you have brought to my life. you are the most amazing person i have ever met in person - only once. <br /><br />love love love anonymous/nonanonymous ~WLS~Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-15494406873325461572009-12-15T13:31:56.043-08:002009-12-15T13:31:56.043-08:00Magic Maclen! What a guy- well done!
Here's m...Magic Maclen! What a guy- well done!<br /><br />Here's my story:<br /><br /><br />Carla’s first punch line?<br /><br />A favourite “Carla” memory of mine happened about the time of her second birthday and there hasn’t been a single December since then, I haven’t thought of it. <br />Her baby brother, Stephen, was born prematurely a month earlier and was still in the hospital, so as both birthday and Christmas approached, we drove in the family car to visit the new baby. As her dad wheeled down Kingsway, Carla was sitting on my lap (it was allowed in those pre-seat-belt days) chattering away happily.<br />“Mommy- tell me the story about the man who got sick.”<br />“What story, honey? I don’t know any story about a man who got sick.”<br />“Yes you do” she chirped, “you tell me that story all the time.”<br />“I don’t know the story you’re talking about honey, I can’t think of any stories about a man who got sick.”<br />“You do know it!” -this time more insistently-<br />“Don’t you remember?” she asked. And then explained-<br />“Away to the window, he flew like a flash- tore open the shutters and<br />THREW UP THE SASH!”<br /><br /><br />I love you, my beautiful girl- Happy Birthday!-momVelmanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-76496972311650568872009-12-15T12:36:45.513-08:002009-12-15T12:36:45.513-08:00I am breathless and crying. Happy Birthday Carla.....I am breathless and crying. Happy Birthday Carla... and thank you Maclen for a glimpse into your lives. <br /><br />BobAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-7683228973260680732009-12-15T12:15:47.407-08:002009-12-15T12:15:47.407-08:00I want my kids to grow up just like Maclen. :'...I want my kids to grow up just like Maclen. :'-]<br /><br />KimAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36459071.post-13092571481754131682009-12-15T12:10:54.588-08:002009-12-15T12:10:54.588-08:00I can't imagine a better gift than this one, M...I can't imagine a better gift than this one, Maclen--hats off. You are an amazing 100-year-old Bodhisattva trapped in the body of a 17-year-old college student. (And a beautiful writer.)<br /><br />I remember so many things, but a few of them are: meeting you, Carla, way back in 1986, in Vancouver, when I slept sardine-like with so many others on the floor of your place, tip-toeing over bodies rolled in sleeping bags in order to go to the bathroom. You were warm, welcoming, gracious, and funny. We were a little rank, having lived in our car for a week.<br /><br />I remember showing up at your door heartbroken about some jerky guy who shall remain nameless on this blog (but his initials are...) Actually, I am embarrassed to admit, there was more than one jerky heartbreaker. It all seems very trivial now, but at the time it was a Big Deal, and you didn't judge me for my imperfect taste in men, or bad luck, or whatever it was, but opened your arms to me and empathized and bought me flowers.<br /><br />Flying down to L.A. to see you perform Wedding Singer Blues. How beautiful you were, how you blew me away with the power and range of that piece. And you kept finding new edges in it, new ways to stretch higher, reach deeper. It--and you-- were just getting better and better. I was busting with pride in you. <br /><br />You showed up at so many of my poetry readings. At one, you brought Maclen--he may have been about ten or eleven--CPS you may want to take notes here-- and the poet I was reading with read a poem that went, "My lover is a woman but sometimes I want a nice hard prick inside of me," or something like that--a great poet, and wonderful person, but perhaps not the best choice of entertainment for your pre-pubescent son. I'm not sure exactly how you tried to distract Maclen or not--I was sitting up front--but later you said you asked him whether he'd understood what she was talking about and he replied in a sublimely indifferent tone, "Yeah, she's a lesbian but she misses having sex with a man."<br /><br />I remember going for beers at the Albatross with you and Gerry and Christopher after your diagnosis, when you could still walk, but not very well. As the guys supported you out on wobbly legs we joked about how sloshed you had gotten on just one beer.<br /><br />I remember your generosity to me when I took in Ophelia and was struggling. I remember the passover dinner she and I went to together at your house. She liked you, thought you were classy and beautiful, which you are--and you were incredibly supportive and loving all through that time.<br /><br />I remember helping to move you out of the house on Madison into your digs on Kains, and how excited you were to set up your own place and you handed me a hammer or something and said, "You're tall, you can hang the curtains," which were those beautiful orange and purple strips and I was completely flummoxed but game.<br /><br />I remember shopping for my wedding dress for you--it was a big effort for you at that point, a gray and rainy day and I kept saying, "We don't have to do this isf it's too much strain," but you were determined to make sure I didn't end up with something lame, which knowing me, was a possibility. I did buy the first dress I tried on and ended up wearing it, but what I remember as we continued to cruise the Expo, was you saying, "You're too old to go for dowdy," which were words to the wise. i still have that Joan Crawford black velvet on top, stiff blue tulle with a lace overskirt on bottom dress which we agreed to share--you are welcome to wear it any time. i still have to lose the same ten pounds in order for it to be comfortable.<br /><br />I remember so many performances, mine, yours--mostly yours--and how met I always feel as an artist by you getting all the subtext and the uber-text--and loving the work so much, dying into it every time.<br /><br />I could go one, but that's enough for now. I love you. Happy Birthday, Carla.Alisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03662927122733057638noreply@blogger.com